ayton Dally News and Journal Harald Dec. 20, 1987 72 Sister shares brother's obituary Late-evening meal shouldn't be biggest Ipeath as just another phase is a comfort to many I ANN LANDERS: Mw helnvil cn nlaae hp iwin when vnu ANN LANDERS: My beloved their So please be aware when you print allayed fears. ANN LANDERS DOCTOR IS IN DR. PAUL G. DONOHUE nrotner, Kevin Healy, died on May 10, 1 986, at the age of 64.
He wrote his own obituary. Several of my friends suggest- ed that It deserves a place In your col-' umn. Here It Is. I hope you agree. BETTY DONOHUE, WARWICK, N.Y.
TOGETHERNESS Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I Whatever we were to each other, 'we still are. Call me by my old familiar fname. Speak to me In the same easy way you always have.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of pray for me. -life means all that it ever meant. It isClhe same as it always was. There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why Should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the comer. some of those letters that there are an awful lot of nuts out there. Sorry to admit that my husband was one of them. PAST REVISITED IN PALM SPRINGS DEAR P.R. In P.S.: I am well aware of the power of suggestion, but there Is no way I can control the weirdos.
I trust that my column does more good than harm or I would not have lasted this long. DEAR ANN LANDERS: Your complimentary reference to Harvard University reminded me of that great line by William F. Buckley Jr. He said, "I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University." How do you like them apples? T.J.R. (Cambridge) DEAR t.J.R.: His comment does not surprise me.
Mr. Buckley is a Yale man. (C IH7, Lti Anertai TVnti Syndic Cruftn SvntfciM DEAR ANN LANDERS: I'm sure that your column has done a lot of good and that you have helped thousands of readers over the years, but I wonder If you realize the harm you do when you print letters that give people crazy Ideas. For example: that letter from the man whose sweetheart asked him to wear a motorcycle helmet to bed to "heighten the excitement." My husband saw that letter and decided it would be a great turn-on if I put on my ice skates before retiring last night. (I was a professional skater 20 years ago when we met.) I told him he was out of his mind, but he kept nagging and begging until finally I gave in.
Not only did my skates rip the bed sheet and the mattress, Ann, but I gave my husband a nine-inch gash on his leg. I had to drive him to the emergency room for stitches at 11:30 at night. We were ashamed to tell the doctor what had happened. All is well. Nothing Is past.
Nothing has been lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before only better. Infinitely happier. We will be one, together forever. DEAR BETTY DONOHUE: What a magnificent philosophy! Each of us has our own personal concept of death and mine is very much the same as your beloved brother's.
Thank you for sharing Kevin's obituary. He has comforted millions of people today, spoken to their needs and DEAR DR. DONOHUE: My son has only orange juice and coffee for breakfast. He has no lunch, then has a large meal around 7 p.m., also several alcoholic drinks throughout the evening. I say it is better to eat more during the day, because food Is better digested that way.
He doesn't agree. He says it makes no difference if you eat your large meal at night. He works with computers and needs proof on my theory. He wonders if there are any documented studies on the subject. MRS.M.M.P DEAR MRS.
M.M.P.: Your view that calorie-loading at night Is not a good idea makes sense. The calorie burning rate varies throughout the day. It drops at night when you are sleeping as body metabolism slows. Metabolism accelerates during working hours. Over the long haul, the chief consequence of nighttime calorie-loading is, apparently, weight gain.
In an experiment to prove this, researchers followed the weight levels of subjects who each were on a diet. During a period when they got their calories at breakfast, all of them lost weight. When they were switched to nighttime intake, four out of six gained weight. Based on even such limited studies as this and on what we know about lower nocturnal metabolism in general, I'd say your son will have more difficulty managing weight with his present regimen. Daytime fasting has other disadvantages.
People who fast during the day tend to have enormous evening appetites. This has been measured in other studies. People who fast during the day on average eat about 600 more calories a day than those who have not restricted intake so severely during the daytime hours. This exhausts my research on your question. I'd say you win the Childishness not just a youthful pastime debate.
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: I have a question about yogurt. Is there any truth to the rumor that yogurt causes headaches? A friend told me she heard this on one of the afternoon shows. I eat about a dozen six-ounce containers of yogurt each week. Please let me know about my favorite dessert.
B.H. DEAR B.H: Many foods have been implicated in triggering headaches. But not everyone is sensitive to particular foods that can pose problems for some. Yogurt turns up as a trigger for some people. If you eat it without headaches, which seems the case, you don't have to give it up.
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: Is it true" that Metamucil can lower your cholesterol? It Is a bulk laxative. I know that fiber lowers it. Please comment. EX.
DEAR E.E.: Studies show that use of bulk-forming medicine can, over time, produce a marked reduction of blood cholesterol. Metamucil is used mainly for control of constipation, so this apparent side effect is. a bonus. The reduction is, importantly, in the low-density lipoprotein choles-. terol, the bad kind.
The good (high density) kind apparently is not af- fected by the Metamucil. Adding fiber from regular food content also plays a cholesterol role, especially oat bran. MISS MANNERS JUDITH MARTIN that she will simply not allow Christmas to be used as an excuse for bad manners. DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are coasters under glasses de rlgueur? Or, like napkin rings, are they just another middle-class convention? A brief history would be nice. GENTLE READER: A history of coasters? Both the East Coaster and the West Coaster? Miss Manners would be in the library for weeks.
Perhaps you would settle for a brief history of the term "middle-class" as used insultingly in a country where everyone claims to be middle-class, lower-middle-class, upper-middle-class, lower-lower, upper-upper, etc. Miss Manners has never heard an American yet claim to be plain upper- or lower-class. The middle class is usually spurned (by itself) for being orderly and cautious. Miss Manners finds that curious. Yes, the mad, wild, devil-may-care thing to do is to toss all napkins in the wash after every meal (thus eliminating the need for napkin rings) and to plop wet glasses smack down on furniture without regard to possible damage.
Miss Manners has decidedly not noticed this being done in whatever class you call it that has antique furniture. Those who think it too middle-class to have coasters may give out co*cktail napkins with drinks. It is de rigueur in all classes to refrain from issuing napkin rings with those. iC reserves must be summoned at this time to produce the polite and genial exterior necessary to maintain a general tone of amiability, not to mention holiday festivity. But that is not always what happens.
Far from assuming the burden, many people simply declare it too heavy and dump it all over the rest of us. That is how Christmas childishness most asserts itself. If Christmas is for children, according to this attitude, then why don't we all scrunch down a bit and sneak in? Lining up with the Wee Ones are the Long-in-the-Tooth Ones, who cast off their mature manners to demonstrate, with childish simplicity but a lifetime of practice at complaining, that they are irritated by shopping, cooking and too much sociability; lonely, bored, annoyed with relatives and friends; despairing of meeting new and interesting people; dissatisfied with the performance of ritual; envious of the lot of others; and just plain downhearted. What fun for the rest of us. But the possibility that these demonstrations are a nuisance to others, and dampen the general spirit, is not considered.
Miss Manners could point out that cranky children are not happier for being allowed to indulge their feelings. Wallowing has never been an uplifting activity, whereas putting oneself aside and concentrating on making others happy has a surprisingly good success rate in cheering the person who does it, in spite of how dreary it sounds. She will confine herself to stating Christmas should be for the children, rone hears. That is such a charming statement that Miss Manners tries not to imagine what theological complexities need to be dismissed before Christmas can be fashioned into a simple occasion for pleasing the young. Surely innocent wonder and delight essential to the meaning of Christ- mas, and if that can be prompted by tucking an orange into a stocking, why 'so much the better.
(Don't be fright-t ened, children: That is merely talk for the miracle of making 'items you can recite from television materialize in your very vown living room.) However, Miss Manners has come increasingly to suspect that the quality being emphasized at Christmas is not so 'much innocent wonder and delight of "youth as a less attractive disingenuous-; ness in which all can participate. Greed, which Is no respecter of age, is only part of this. The childishness that Miss Manners has sadly observed on special exhibit for the holidays features a range of behavior associated with the pre-civilized state before acknowledgment and acceptance of responsibility for other people's feelings. In spite of that massive problem with members of this society have been struggling for decades now l'Jtow to Get In Touch With Your Feel-rings most of us are blessed from -birth with a reasonable ability to assess 'flow we feel. We feel hungry, cranky, playful, burpy, sleepy, fussy or whatever.
And in spite of The Great National Coloring contest winners named; Communications Crisis, we manage to get this across where it counts. Civilization begins with the difficult realization that conveying feelings produces responsive feelings. And thus it becomes necessary to calculate how restraint and dissimulation can produce desirable effects on others. An evil business, no doubt, but essential if we are to live in groups. All of us know people who shouldn't even be allowed to visit groups, any time of the year.
But the bustle and excitement of Christmas often exaggerate, in otherwise well-behaved people, feelings that may not be fairly characterized as wonder. Nerves get frazzled under extra demands; crowding produces irritation; expectations, whether connected with people or consumer goods, produce disappointment. And it all gets turned into what is then dignified and solidified as Christmas depression. So far, Miss Manners is rather sympathetic. According to etiquette, it is unseemly to delve too deeply in people's innards, so Miss Manners is free to commiserate about the fact that extra Three-year-old Katie Patterc (Se-vert) of Dayton made her goldfish gold and her elf yellow.
Her picture of a fruit wreath had a big red bow with a blue background. Six-year-old Michelle Byrd of Beavercreek colored her fish yellow, blue and red and gave her elf a silver suit with a purple bowtie and a red cap, while 9-year-old Andrew Chow of Beavercreek added a rainbow-striped background to each of the three pictures he colored. All three children used their innovative coloring ideas to walk away with first prizes in the Dayton Newspapers Inc. Holiday Coloring Contest. Participants colored a series of three different pictures, appearing in the Dayton Daily News and Journal Herald Nov.
24, 25 and 26. Katie won in the 2- to 4-year-old age group, Michelle in the 5- to 7-year-old age group, and Andrew in the 8- to 10-year-old age group. First-place winners received a $25 Children's Palace gift certificate. Second place winners took home a $10 gift certificate. Second place winners in each of the three age groups were: Monica Hanna-han, 4 of Kettering; Diane Lane, 6, of Kettering; and John Bunker, 9, of Miamisburg.
Honorable mention in the 2- to 4- year-old age group went to: Justin Smith, 3'2, of Trot wood; Katie Huff-1 man, 3, of Bellbrook; Melvin D. Wood-; geard, 4, of Brookville1 Stephanie Bue-; chele, 3, of. ifutering; Erin' Moosbrugger, 2, of Dayton; Ian Shiken-! janski, 3, of Kettering; Erika Turner, 4,: of Trotwood; Jenny Spence, 3, of SpringBoro; Kelly Lafferty, 4, of Cen-! terville; and Adam J. Koogler, 4, of; Fairborn. Those receiving honorable mention.
in the 5- to 7-year-old age group were Lisa Brown, 7, of West Milton; Kelly; Farmer, 5, of Dayton; Patty Evans, 5, of Dayton; Matthew Schlarb, 6, of Center-! ville; Nick Yoko, 6, of Englewood; Jon- athan Fredrick, 7, of Emily; Moosbrugger, 7, of Dayton; Maribeth Yost, 5, of Dayton; Amy Lynch, 6, of, Dayton; and Sarah Tolles, 7, of Dayton. In the 8- to 10-year-old age group honorable mention went to: Mary Jean Nienaber, 8, of Kettering; Cissy TucW er, 9, of Dayton; Dan Lakmann, 9, of Kettering; Mackenzie Phillips, 8, of Dayton; David Messer, 8, of Dayton; Michelle Salyers, 8, of Miamisburg; Terry Wright, 9, of Carlisle; Jason Lysne, 8, of Dayton; and Kellie Abbott, 9, of Kettering. Winning entries will be on display in the lobby of Dayton Newspapers Inc. at the corner of Fourth and Ludlow street? through Dec. 30.
"Z'Zrl In the still of the night she tackles intangibles Late at night while my family and rmost of Dayton sleeps, I sometimes alone in the quiet of my office to ACCENT ON WOMEN just think. At 2 a.m. even telemarketers have rupt me, and my mind Is free to wan- der and focus wherever it wants. Often I envision myself finished BARBARA WEAVER with my graduate program and em- Pants MsLkeirs ladies fashions with a comfortable fit ployed as a full-time "rear writer. -When I'm through exploring all the wonderful possibilities, these '-thoughts are stored in an over-flow- ing area labeled "Fantasies." Sometimes I think of family mem-; bers and friends I rarely see because they are scattered across the country and world.
I remember with fondness -moments we've shared and, then, file the memories in a safe corner for an- ra," she said. "No matter where you hide, it will come find you. It's better to confront it, to march right on through it and let it hurt you. When you get on the other side of it, you are stronger and wiser. "People don't understand that," she continued.
"I remember when your Uncle Ben died. People tried to keep me busy so I wouldn't have time to think about it. But that was wrong. I needed time alone to think, to hurt, to work my way through it." I think about Nana's advice when I sit alone in the quiet of my office. I don't always have pain to confront, but the hours alone are needed just the same.
For me to have time to figure out where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going is important. Without it, I lose track of who I am. So many nights when the hustle and bustle of the day and evening have ended, I confront myself. Frequently, I wonder if there aren't other women across town, around the block, or down the street who are also sitting in the quiet of a favorite room and thinking about a grandmother or some other important person who has made a difference in their lives. ENTIRE STOCK KNIT I saw and felt my mother's clear, blue-green eyes land on mine and begin darting back and forth from one eye to the other a sure sign that I was the focus of intense wrath.
"Virginia," Nana said gently to my mother. "Virginia, let her express how she feels." My mother stopped, thought for a few seconds and then said, "You do? What's the matter?" I told them both about the particularly crummy day I was having and how I just felt like crying for no one big reason. Afterward, I didn't feel much like crying anymore; I felt close to my mother and my grandmother. There was the time when my oldest son accidentlly let our St. Bernard into Nana's house.
We had told him Grendel had to stay outside because she would cause too much excitement for Grandaddy who was recovering from a stroke. When I saw Grendel come bounding through the kitchen, I shrieked at Michael in my boy-am-I-angry-at-you tone. "Barbara," Nana said gently to me. "Barbara, don't yell at Michael like that. You'll stifle his personality." Shortly before Nana died from pancreatic cancer in April, 1984, I spent eight days with her.
I sat beside her bed and listened while she told me about pain. Having experienced the death of her husband, three of her four children, and one of her eight grandchildren, she had faced much emotional pain as well as the physical pain she was experiencing then. "You can't hide from pain, Barba other time. Once in a while I recall family members I no longer have any access rto aunts, uncles, a cousin, my 1000 per itore. Fabrici in Poly Wool, Denim, 100 Poly, 30 Colors and Patterns.
Sizes 6-40. Hemmed free. (--brother, grandfathers, grandmothers. grains less each time until you only want a heaping teaspoon?" Nana asked. "No," I said with a laugh to indicate there wasn't a prayer of that happening.
Nana never said another word about it, but by the time I reached high school, I wanted my tea unsweetened with a slice of lemon. One time when Nana was visiting us, I dropped the 52 cards I had just picked up a catalyst for emotional explosion for any young girl in the midst of hormonal changes. "Crap," I said loud enough for all to hear, proud of the new word I had learned at school that week. Shocked and embarrassed that I would talk that way at all but especially in front of her mother, my mother understandably rose from her chair to confront me. "Barbara Clare, do you know what you just said?" she asked in her boy-am-I-angry-at-you tone.
"Yes," I snapped back in my I-don't-care-how-angry-you-are voice. "And I feel like crap, too." Lately, Nana has been on my mind. My short, plump, blue-eyed, soft-spoken grandmother is the one who taught me the Importance of I remember one night sitting at her kitchen table eating fresh corn on the Daily 10-6 Sun. 1-5 Pinewood Plaza 1040 Smrthvllle 254-1285 Centerville Store 70 W. Franklin St.
435-9142 4580 Salem Ave. North of Red Lobster 274-1640 r- cob that was dripping in butter and rZ drinking Iced tea with the two heap BARBARA WEAVER is an active member of Christ Episcopal Church, a wife and mother of three children. The Orlando, native, a member of the Dayton Area Women's Nexus (DAWN), lives in Upper Dayton View. ing teaspoons of sugar my motner never allowed. "I like being with you.
Momma never lets me have as much sugar as I want," I confessed. "That does seem like a lot of sugar. Have you ever tried using just a few I I trmriwi "HOI HOI HOI tf ICJVjL fcw VISIT ALL SIVIN I Vf jrwr, DIFFERENT SHOPSU NOW OPEN AT OUR NEW LOCATION Dayton's Finest Lighting Super Store Atom, ffir BELLFAIR COUNTRY CORNER TIFFANY SALE mm1: rPre-Christmas Sale Every Tiffany Fixture on Sale 50 OFF list price Natural Ranch Mink ftp fa 1 1OOC00 Come prepare for the holidays with usl You'll find a gala atmosphere where shopping Is always fun. Relax for lunch, a snack, or a fun dinner In our cozy restaurant while you review your shopping list. Browse through 7 decorated shops and discover the delights of each.
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